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[24 Sep 2009|01:12am] |
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I would like to spend some time wandering around the U.S. of A. This is a pretty good reason to get a driver's license. Maybe when I graduate college I will go.
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[19 Jul 2009|01:41am] |
I think that my main problem is I think too much. I think too much and then I get bored, depressed, or lethargic. Actually, most of the time its all three.
Other times I don't think at all and that is even worse.
I've managed to convince myself that if only I can get my room clean, stay on top of things at work, get my books back from San Diego, and somehow make people want to spend time with me without being a catty guilt-tripping bitch, my life will be better.
But I know that even if all of those things happen, there will be something new to think about.
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| my life, meunuchs, and other confusing mishaps |
[28 Feb 2009|04:09pm] |
Work, school, and friends are conspiring, and I think as a result I might have a busy life now. Its interesting, the more I have to do, the more I want to do. I've been trying to bake more, read more, and be more social at the same time as keeping on top of schoolwork and having a job, and to my surprise it seems to be working out nicely.
...On the subject of reading more, here's a website that everyone should check out: www.bookmooch.com. I might have linked to it before in this journal but its pretty neat. And on the subject of baking, I made some "brownie cookies" yesterday that were pretty delicious. They look like cookies... and taste like brownies! It was a good experiment.
I met a guy today on the bus who told me a lot of stories. I heard about his dog that jumps off the roof to bite the postman, his tattooed cat (yes, you read that correctly) and the entire plot of some Anne Rice novel that he had just read. At first I thought he was telling me about a book set in Munich, but I soon realized that the book was about a eunuch, and he was saying "munich". Or maybe "meunuch."
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| I admit, this might all stem from my love for The Sandman |
[11 Feb 2009|12:01pm] |
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I've been writing down my dreams lately, partly at the suggestion of my psychology teacher and partly because when I used to do that I always felt like I got something out of it. For me, at least, when I make an effort to remember my dreams they are more likely to come back to me later. I've started carrying my dream notebook around with me all the time so that if I remember something I can scribble it down. This is probably kind of socially weird, but I highly recommend it.
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| changed my mind so much I can't even trust it my mind's changed me so much I can't even trust myself |
[09 Feb 2009|11:23am] |
I am now a regular employee of North Light Books and Cafe, which is pretty neat.
Classes are all going well - for the first time in my life, I am enjoying a math class. I can now pinpoint the time in my life when I started to hate math. It was around second grade, when math moved beyond counting erasers and marbles and we started Minute Math. The idea was that you had to finish a math worksheet in under a minute, and if you didn't, you couldn't move on to the next level up. I could do all of the problems, but never in under a minute, so I would stay on the same subtraction worksheet for weeks while the rest of the class moved up to multiplication and division. It was humiliating, and also stupid, because the incentive to do well was that you would get to do HARDER math! Anyway, it put me off mathematics for life. But I think I can pass this class.
In general, things are looking up. How's life treating all of you?
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| Aimlessly employed |
[08 Jan 2009|10:37am] |
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I have partially accomplished one of my major goals: to get a real job. I just got hired to work at North Light Books and Cafe for the beginning of the semester book sale. North Light is an independent bookstore that sells most of the textbooks that are used at Sonoma State, for better prices than the school bookstore, so the manager usually hires extra people in January. I'm hoping this will turn into permanent work (right now that's at a "maybe") but even if it doesn't, at least its a start!
I am pretty sure I can do reasonably well at this job, because it involves knowing things about books and working a cash register, but I am still a little nervous that I will be a disappointment or something.
I'm not sure whether it was excitement and nervousness over new job, or the two cups of coffee after 5:00pm yesterday, but I couldn't sleep last night. I think I slept between about 4 and 5:30am, and for some reason I wasn't at all tired until about thirty minutes ago. So it is naptime.
...If you're feeling talkative, you should comment about your current job/favorite job ever/first job... what kind of job? Do you/did you like it? Inquiring minds are inquiring! Or maybe I'm just sleep deprived and trying to be nosy.
:)
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| Various thoughts (mostly relating to an arbitrary concept of a New Year equalling a Fresh Start) |
[03 Jan 2009|03:30pm] |
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music |
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Sufjan Stevens - The Incarnation |
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So... I posted a total of 17 entries in this journal in 2008. A lot more interesting things happened than that! I am going to try to be better about writing in it this year.
This isn't really a "recap of 2008" post, but since its a whole new year and all I would like to say that I think I learned a lot in the past 12 months. I hope I am a better person now.
My New Year's resolution this year is the same one that I failed at last year... to keep track of the books I read until next January. I'm hoping to actually keep it this time. Maybe I'll even post the list here periodically as it grows. My other resolution (though not really an official one in my mind since its something I've been working at for a while) is to get a "real job"... we'll see how that goes. I have this theory that I am terminally unemployable for reasons that are beyond my comprehension.
I'm still in Davis with my family, which is occasionally trying but mostly pretty fun. Tonight there are people coming over for dinner at our house, and I am going to try to attend that as well as hang out at Christine's for Dead Body and board games, and tomorrow my sister leaves at 6:00am to go back to UC Santa Barbara. After that I have no idea what I'm doing, so if anyone is interested in making plans, call me or something :)
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| note: I am not trying to say that I think I am mentally ill. That is not what this post means. |
[24 Dec 2008|12:20am] |
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There's a voice in my head. Not a voice outside of my own consciousness or anything, but I kind of wish it was not there.
The thing about this voice is that it is constant, and constantly critical. It almost never goes away and it never, NEVER stops being a complete jerkface to me. (Let's take a moment to consider this: yes, I am accusing my brain of being an asshole to me. The discrepencies between that statement and the title of this post do not escape me... and yet I stand by my conviction that I am, for the most part, sane. What I mean is that I feel that this voice is not part of the person that I want to be, and am trying to be. This person is "me", the voice is outside of that.) The voice has an ongoing and mostly one-way conversation with me about my actions, thoughts and feelings. It also never misses the chance to pick apart events hours later for disgusting things I thought, said, or did that it might have missed while focusing on more important issues.
The voice is nasty, sarcastic, and cynical. It is everything I'm capable of that I rarely show to the outside world, and is almost always directed inwards, no lenses, very little perspective. Every once in a while I share something the voice told me about myself with someone else (usually not in the context of "my brain told me this... what do you think?" Usually I express it in the form of a worry about a specific thing I said or did). They invariably act shocked and appalled and say "wait a minute, no one thinks of you like that."
Apparently, I do.
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| speak |
[20 Nov 2008|08:54pm] |
I am somewhat tongue-tied and tongue-tired lately.
Its not that I don't talk, but there are very few people in my life right now that I can talk to and feel like I've had a meaningful conversation.
Is it my problem for not being able to speak up? Sometimes I feel like others don't really want to listen, but that's not really very mature, is it?
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| "Harold, PLEASE" |
[17 Nov 2008|10:34pm] |
This comic has been not as interesting to me lately, but I see myself so clearly in this one that I had to post it. This is more of an explanation for some of my extreme weirdness as "hey guys look at the comic ha ha ha".
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1276
Also: one of the songs that frequently gets stuck in my head is Radiohead's No Surprises, and one of the random words in the third panel is "carbon monoxide"
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[05 Nov 2008|12:31pm] |
Presidential election: yes. I'm not sure there's anything else I need to say about that.
But California. Oh, California, I love you so, and I thought you loved me too.
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| שלומ חברימ |
[02 Nov 2008|11:50am] |
I think I might be incapable of stress sometimes. I used to think this meant I was a slacker, but the things in my life that need to get done happen, more or less, so I've recently decided its not such a bad thing.
My life keeps going in circles, I wish I could catch it.
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| SO you want to be less self-deprecating |
[16 Oct 2008|11:38am] |
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Does anyone have any tips for liking oneself?
I find it really hard to do, and on a related note I almost always feel like no one else likes me very much either.
I'm smart enough to know that this is not actually true for the most part but I just can't stop worrying about it. I know I hardly ever post to this journal anymore but if anyone's still reading and you have some advice for me, that would be nice.
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