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Kathryn Allyn

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hm [Mar. 15th, 2012|02:49 am]
Kathryn Allyn
beware the ides of march

[User Picture]From: chuanshuo
2012-04-10 07:22 pm (UTC)
I needed to rant and I don't think I have your e-mail. Maybe I'm the wrong one, now. But I don't agree with "Luke has morals" anymore. He said that he has to be involved in his baby's life because those are his morals, not because he loves and wants to be with Julian, not because it's the best thing for him. And his idea of this is taking partial custody (and I believe his dad is pushing for 1/2-full time custody based on hints he dropped) and taking him to Santa Rosa during that time! Since custody between people who live a distance away from each other usually works to weekends OR weekdays, that means he'll either have him for the weekend (my only free time) or all week. So I asked him if he could move here instead. Nope, he says, he's getting an apartment with friends. First of all, I gave up a lot more than a freaking apartment with friends. He said it's only fair since I made the choice to go through with the pregnancy. Secondly, he's seriously going to bring baby into an apartment with friends and they're cool with that? Anyway. He's already looking at schools in his area as if he's going to put Julian in them. That means full custody, anyway. What the fuck?? You were quite aware of all the care giving I did while Luke was more occupied with my cat than the baby. Do you think this is fair? Am I just overreacting or is this seriously fucked up? How do i deal with him? When I tried to talk him out of this, he just freaking yells at me. What do I do?? I don't trust him to take Julian to Santa Rosa for even a day if he can't change a diaper. Which he can't. Julian is still breastfeeding! I mean... can you see where I'd be frustrated??
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[User Picture]From: chiriklo_star
2012-04-13 07:41 pm (UTC)
Yeah I see why you're frustrated. He's never acted responsibly, towards you or towards Julian. You both made the decision to have sex, but YOU made the decision to keep the pregnancy and more importantly, you made the decision to be a good parent to your child. Your life has changed a lot, and I don't think Luke appreciates that, or at least not fully. Maybe that's why you wish Ian was the father, because he has enough sense to understand that you've given up a lot and he's given up nothing.

The morals thing is interesting, because I know Luke is strongly motivated by his morals but the thing is, to me these morals that he lives by sometimes seem pretty backwards, and other times just confusing. He isn't really equipped to be an adult in this world, which makes him especially unequipped to be a parent to anyone, especially a young child. If Julian was older, partial custody for Luke might make sense. Weekends or something. But he is a baby, and for now he should be with you. Luke (and his family) shouldn't be asking for more than visitation at this point, in my humble (moral?) opinion.

Rant all you like, I'll eventually see it and respond :)
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[User Picture]From: chuanshuo
2012-04-13 08:50 pm (UTC)
First paragraph- you make a good point. That's exactly what I haven't been able to put in words thus far.

The thing is, it's okay now because I live with my family and they've been willing to pick up his slack. But in the future, this will be extra not okay. He'll make Julian late for daycare or school. I'll be late getting Julian to school because Luke takes so long to get here. I'll be late for work on work days and have less time to spend with Julian on days off. Furthermore, his lack of responsibility will rub off on Julian. I have a lot of problems with Luke's irresponsibility in the future.

He still likes you. If you can, talk to him. If not, it's okay. Stay on good terms with him. You're still the most impartial person I have unless I can somehow convince Luke's parents of the same thing. If they're honest people, they will agree as well.
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